Dude, tonight is the night, the night of the college beauty pageant. I shouldn't be so nervous, but I really am. I don't know what Lizzy will think of me showing up there. She might hate me; she might love me. We haven't spoken since we broke up nearly a year ago. Maybe it's a mistake to just spring myself on her so suddenly like this. It might go really, really poorly. But I've gotta try. And Lizzy likes drama and she loves beauty pageants, so I can't think of a better way to do it. I'm just going to try to stay in the back, as much out of sight as possible, wearing Brady's sunglasses and a hoodie, so she doesn't notice me. I don't want to distract her from the competition. The only thing worse than her rejecting me would be if I cause her to lose focus and she rejects me. But dude, after she wins and they had her that prize money and put the crown on her head or whatever they do at a college beauty pageant, I'm going to rush the stage with a bouquet of a dozen red roses and show her just how much she means to me, and that I want her back. And all I can do at that point is hope that she'll have me.
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I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about this pageant tonight. Getting ready backstage with Bridget, I can feel my heart pounding. Damn, you Bridget, you actually got it into my head that I might win this thing. I never even expect to win my track meet races, but you tell me I'm beautiful and smart and that those are the things this contest is about and now I actually think I could win. Despite what I said before, about not wanting to win, now, I actually kind-of do want to win. Not for the money or attention, but in honor of my mother. She was a strong, gorgeous woman. I don't know if she would have viewed pageants like this as empowering or as demeaning, but since I was roped into doing this by Bridget anyway, I'm choosing to believe she would view it as empowering. I do like that the judges are a mix of men and women, students and faculty. I think that makes it fair. And really, this is all just for fun anyway. Still, it would feel nice to win. Darn you, Bridget, it would feel nice to win.
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I am so excited for my girl Chris! She looks great tonight! Seems a little nervous, but hopeful, too. I just hope I haven't gotten her hopes up too high. There's this one girl here, looks super familiar, and she just has this confidence about her, like she's done this before. This is supposed to be just a fun college thing. I really want to tell this other chick to chill out, but I don't want to give her attention. Bitches like that, they just want attention. I should know because sometimes I'm like that myself.
But Chris is going to do great! Even if she does come in second place to this girl, I think she'll still feel good about it. She says she doesn't care about winning, but I know my Chris. She's nice about it, but everyone likes to win, even her. Oh, I know I won't win. I'm no real threat to anyone. I'm just here to be a good friend, and to have a little fun. I do like guys looking at me, you know? Chris won't be thinking about that, but for me personally, that's the most fun. Part of me wonders if Zach will be out there to see me, but I'm pretty sure he won't. He's too chill for something like a beauty pageant. All this pressure and stress, he wouldn't like it. He just likes pressure and stress when it comes to his school work.
Really, maybe I should have thought about the pressure and stress before I convinced Chris to do this. I wasn't trying to get her more worked up. I was trying to get her to have some fun and realize how awesome she is. But I know she'll be great. And even if it doesn't go how I want it to, she'll be strong enough to come threw. I know she will. My Chris is a fighter, even if she doesn't realize it yet.
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This competition is laughable. I've got this win in the bag. Well, okay, all but this one girl. I have no idea what her stage presence might be like, but she's gorgeous, way prettier than I am. If anyone could defeat me, it would be her, but I don't think it's going to happen. She seems like a total amateur. I'd like to go talk to her, psych her out a little, just to be on the safe side, but she's got this bratty looking friend hanging around her. The friend's already given me the evil eye once or twice, so maybe it's best just to stay away. I don't want to get into some stupid cat fight right now. At best, it would mess up my hair and at worst, well, I don't want to jeopardize this competition just because one random girl might be a tiny bit of a threat to my victory. But still, I won't settle for second best. I'm going home with the title and the money. I've won much bigger contests than this. I'm not going to let some little princess and her overprotective girlfriend stand in my way.
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Man, I cannot believe Zach convinced me to come along to this thing with him. Beauty pageants just seem so... I don't know, old-fashioned, maybe? Like a thing of the past? That was another reason Lizzy and I wouldn't have worked out, had I pursued her instead of Zach. I didn't realize how much she was into these things until Zach told me. I guess they might be fun, but I feel guilty even saying that. Don't they objectify women? I guess if the women choose to compete in them, maybe they're okay, but somehow I still just feel dirty about the whole thing.
But Zach assures me it's all just for fun and that this isn't a serious one, so then I went with, "Well I thought you wanted to surprise Lizzy at the end of the contest. Isn't she twice as likely to notice you're there ahead of time if I'm there, too?"
To which he responded, "No, dude, she'll be too focused on the contest to notice us at all. But just in case she is looking for us or something, we'll wear disguises!"
So here I am, wearing a hat and sunglasses and not having shaved for the past three days as part of my "disguise" to help my best friend win back the girl that I personally am still not sure is right for him, but who I support him pursuing because he's convinced she's right. I just hope there aren't any super hot girls I might be interested in dating who might notice me like this and never want to talk to me again. Ha! At a beauty pageant? What are the odds of that happening? Well then, what are the odds that one of them would be interested in me even if I wasn't in "disguise". Oh well.
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As the contest is about to begin, I feel my nerves building, like butterflies in my stomach. As clique as that is, that's what it felt like. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and told myself I didn't care. I opened my eyes again and glanced behind me at Bridget, a few spots behind me in the line to march onto the stage. She smiled and gave me two thumbs up. I managed a weak smile back and turned to face forward. I took another deep breath. I heard clapping for the girl in front of me and then the stage manager gave me a nod. It was my turn to go on and make a fool of myself.
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Love at first sight is a sad and sappy clique. The worst thing about it is that it relegates love to being only about physical attraction. Even though I'd never before experienced that kind of love, I know that it's so much more than that. And yet, I couldn't help but find myself wondering if love at first sight could be real as she first stepped onto the stage.
She was stunning in her full length gown, sparkling like silver. Her blonde hair fell in waves down past her shoulders. The lipstick was the perfect shade and when she smiled, her smile was just perfect. She looked a little nervous and unsure, but that made me all the more intrigued by her. Here was a beautiful girl competing in a beauty pageant, so stunning I was certain she was going to win, and yet she still looked nervous and unsure. I immediately wanted to know why, and I wanted to be able to fling those nerves away from her so that she could shine with her full brightness.
Gone were all thoughts of Zach and Lizzy. I forgot Zach was even sitting there next to me. I instinctively rubbed my stubble, wishing I hadn't been convinced to stop shaving for the past three days. Who had convinced me to do that, anyway? I couldn't remember. All I saw was this girl, stunning and radiant, and I knew she was going to win.
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Shit. Bridget is in this thing. What am I supposed to do now? I try nudging Brady, but he's still staring at some other random girl that came on stage a couple minutes ago. What is wrong with him? I need to get out of here. Or do I? Bridget doesn't know about Lizzy specifically, but she knows I dated someone else before. Maybe this doesn't have to be a thing. Maybe Bridget will get eliminated early and just go home. Maybe... I just wanted to show Lizzy I still cared. I didn't want a stand-off between the ex I want to get back together with and my more recent ex. Shit, dude.
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I am definitely going to win this thing. Pretty girl doesn't have the confidence it takes. I'm all over it.
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Is that Zach and Brady in the audience, trying to look incognito or something? Zach isn't even looking at me, and Brady... is he looking at Chris? Oh man, Chris and Brady... he's not such a bad guy... they're both so sweet and down to earth and neither of them likes to party. That might actually work...
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As the pageant progressed, my physical attraction to this girl developed into something a little more respectable. She answered questions with honesty and insight, and when she sang for the talent portion, her voice was like that of an angel. I told myself it was more than just the physical I was feeling, that might have been the first impulse, but there was something more here. I had to get to know this girl. How had I never noticed her before? This college wasn't that big, but I supposed it was big enough.
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Thank the stars Bridget got eliminated. I knew she would. She's too snooty, though her looks aren't half bad. Stop it, Zach. Stay focused. I just hope Bridget leaves. The contest is almost over. Does she care about who wins? I hope not. Please, Bridget, just go back to your sorority house and start getting drunk. I don't want this to be any harder than it already is.
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Well, Chris is obviously going to win this thing and Zach isn't the least bit interested in seeing me here, but Brady sure can't take his eyes off Chris. I think Zach might be here for another girl, maybe that one who's going home with second place? My momma didn't raise no fool. I see what's going on here. Zach would probably prefer I not stick around, but I can't do that to Chris. I want to be here to see her take that crown. Zach will figure out soon enough that I don't care about him, not romantically anyway. He'll get his girl, maybe Brady will end up with Chris, but most importantly, Chris is definitely going to win this thing. And with that, everyone wins.
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Here we go, down to the final three. I have to hold the hands of the other two, act like I'm all excited for all of us and we're all winners. Bah. That pretty girl is going down. She might have been sweet and smart and beautiful, but she didn't have the confidence. It's all about confidence. I've been on the circuit long enough to know that. She's so green. And this other one we're up against? What a joke. She's finishing in third for sure. Here we go... they're going to announce the first runner up. I'm about to learn pretty girl's real name.
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Frick. Lizzy didn't win. This other girl, the one Brady's been staring at all night. Her name is Christina apparently. How could they choose her over Lizzy? Are the judges blind? What is wrong with this contest?
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When they announce her as the winner, I'm on my feet cheering wildly. Part of me is still trying to remind the rest of me that I'm supposed to be here for Zach, to help him win back Lizzy, the girl who was supposed to win this contest, but my heart is pulling me away, away from my best friend and towards this girl, this girl I've never even met, and then, I hear Zach sigh and say remorsefully, "Forget it, dude, just go."
I look down at him in surprise. He's rubbing his forehead, looking completely dejected and my heart sinks as I sink back into my seat. "Just go where?" I ask.
He looks up at me. "After that girl. The one you've been staring at all night. One of us should get something out of this." He pulls out the flowers from under his chair where they've been hiding and tries to hand them to me. Even the roses look sad.
"Dude, it's not too late," I insist. "Just because she didn't win the contest doesn't mean you can't win her back."
He just shakes his head. "You don't understand, dude," he says. "Winning this crap is everything to Lizzy. Losing like this? She won't want to listen to a former lover who wants to get back with her. She'll just want to be alone."
"Are you...."
"I'll be okay," he interrupts. Then he forces a smile. "Just go. You might not get another chance."
I feel bad, but I don't want Zach to think he made me miss my chance, so I stand up and go. He's still trying to hand me the roses, but I shake my head and say, "You might still need those," as I head up to the stage.
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I'm up on the stage, hugging Chris, congratulating her, reassuring her that this is real and that she really won, while also trying to keep her away from that scary looking second place finisher, when I see Brady coming this way. I can't help but smile a little. As he's walking forward, he looks up at the stage, sees me hugging Chris and stops. I just laugh a little and roll my eyes. He's still afraid of me, but he has nothing to fear. I know he's actually a good guy, him and Zach both, just not my kind of guys, but for Chris... "Come on," I whisper in her ear, wondering why I never thought to introduce her to Brady while Zach and I were dating, "There's someone in the audience I think you should meet."
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When I see Bridget on the stage, hugging Christina, I freeze. Are they friends? Is this Christina, is this the friend Bridget said she needed to help? Is this, is this really happening? I'm about to just turn and walk away when I notice Bridget looking at me and smiling. Is that a mean smile or a happy smile? It's hard to say, but then she's leading Christina down off the stage, and are they coming towards me? Is this really happening?
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I watch as that cheating little bitch and her nasty little friend leave the stage. At least they have the decency to not lord the victory over me. But then I notice they're going out into the audience and walking right towards... is that Brady? What the? If Brady is here... he would never come here unless Zach was with him. Pretty girl, Christina, she's gone right up to Brady. They're talking. I think they like each other. That little... Where is Zach? I know now exactly what I have to do.
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I don't know where Bridget is taking me or who this random person is she wants to meet. I'm just beaming with joy that I won, I really won. It shouldn't mean so much to me, it really shouldn't, but it feels good, and I tell myself that my mother would be so proud. And my father, too, I can't wait to call him and tell him! That's what I'm thinking, until Bridget walks me up to this scraggly looking guy standing in the middle of the isle and says, "Christina, this is Brady. Brady, Christina."
I look at this random guy, stubble all over his face, some weird stocking cap on his head. He must notice I'm looking at that because he immediately takes it off and holds it in his hands in front of him, turning it around nervously. "Hi," he says.
He doesn't seem like anything all that special, and he seems really nervous, but Bridget is nudging me, he's looking at me, and then I look into his eyes. They sparkle like I've never seen before. I manage a weak and nervous smile myself. "Hi," I say back.
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I'm watching the exchange in the isle. It seems like they're really hitting it off. I sigh as I stand up to go. At least one of us got a girl tonight, though it was completely reversed from what either of us thought. Dude, I just want to go home. Lizzy was supposed to win. Lizzy should have won. I hold my roses down by my side, probably dripping water all over the floor, as I shuffle out of the isle. I'm not really looking where I'm going, and I run right into... "Lizzy!" I look up in surprise. "I um..."
She smiles at me and looks down at the roses. "Are those for me by any chance?" she asks.
"Yeah," I manage, "They were supposed to be to congratulate you. I mean, they still are, but, but you should have won, those judges they were..."
She keeps smiling. "They were wrong," she says. "I know. You're very sweet to say that." She takes the roses from me and smells them with her eyes closed. She opens her eyes again and looks at me. "They're beautiful," she says.
"Not half as beautiful as you," I quickly reply, not able to think of anything less cheesy.
She rewards me with a light little laugh, and then reaches for my hand. "Come on," she says. "Let's go somewhere private to talk. I've missed you."
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I'm the king of cliques lately, so I might as well go ahead and say it: love certainly can come when you least expect it. Okay, so maybe "love" is a bit premature, but I certainly like Christina a whole lot. I have to admit, I don't really know when the right time to use to word "love" is. Coming from a family where my mom handing out "I love yous" like they were going out of style and my father never once uttered the phrase, I figure the appropriate level of usage is somewhere in between, but I don't really know what it is. My understanding is that girls are usually more anxious to say it than guys, so maybe I'll just wait for Christina to say it first. And if she never says it, well, I guess we'll just go on feeling it and never needing to put it into words. There's something peacefully poetic about that, like how you can watch a sunset and you don't have to say it's beautiful because it's just obvious. Maybe that's the way it is with us.
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I never would have dreamed, not in a million years, that my night out at the beauty pageant would have landed me a boyfriend. It's so strange that he's the roommate of Bridget's ex, but Bridget doesn't seem to mind in the slightest, even though her ex is apparently back to dating the girl he was dating before Bridget, who also happened to have been the runner up at the pageant where Brady and I met. Sounds like a giant mess to me, but Brady and I do our best to stay out of it.
I've never had a real boyfriend before, dates to dances and stuff like that, but Brady's all I could ask for in a first love. I don't know if it will be forever, we're really too young to know what we really want, but it sure feels good for now. He adores me, almost to the point of worshiping me, which is flattering, but sometimes I need to tell him to calm down. I'm just a girl, after all, but he just keeps telling me how great I am. Things like that can go to a girl's head if she's not careful.
My dad warned me to be careful when I called him up and told him the news. I had been planning to tell him all about winning the pageant, but having a new boyfriend seemed more exciting, so that was what I mentioned first. He was happy for me, or at least he seemed to be, but he did tell me that he hoped I wouldn't let it advance too quickly. I told him not to worry and that I would be careful. "I know you will, sweetie," he said. Dad's always worrying about me. It will be nice to go back home and see him this summer. It will also be nice to go meet Brady's parents back on the farm where he grew up. Even though we've only been dating about six weeks now, he asked me if I might like to come visit sometime during the summer, and I gave him a tentative "yes". I haven't run it by my dad yet, but I think I can get him to be okay with it. I sure hope I can anyway.
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My little girl's growing up. Seems like just yesterday I was crying as I held her in my trembling arms. Now she's got an official boyfriend and who knows, maybe someday the two of them will have kids of their own. Though if she never wants to put herself through that risk, I completely understand. I'd even find it a relief. I'd rather keep her alive than have grandchildren. They just grow up so fast. I need to dig out the old photo albums. I want to remember what she was like before.
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It took me days to get the exciting news from my Brady, but when I found him talking on his cell phone way more than he ever had in high school, I figured it out. He has a new girlfriend! I couldn't be happier for him. He's such a good, loyal boy, and he's sure to make this girl very happy. He confessed to me that she's even planning to come visit later in the summer. I think he's worried about how his father will react, but I'll make sure things are smoothed over there. Brady's dad is certainly not overprotective of his son, so I don't think there will be any problems. I on the other hand... I know I pamper him a bit. I'm so excited for him, but I do really hope this girl is good enough for him. If she's as great as he seems to think she is, I'm sure it will all be just wonderful!
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