Our parents seemed a little annoyed by the whole experience at first, but eventually they lightened up. My bridesmaids sure had a blast! We danced and sang until our lungs were sore! Some of my friends actually kept trying to get me to sit down and rest, to save some energy for that night, but I didn't listen. That evening was a celebration with everyone involved. I had the rest of my life to be happy with David. I wanted my wedding day to be about sharing our joy with our friends and family, and showing them what love and happiness can be like. My parents were always too uptight about things; David's were too. They thought we got married too fast, that we were too young and that we didn't know each other well enough yet. I think I was closer to David than my parents could ever hope to be to one another. When you share your writing with someone, not your final copy, but your drafts, your ideas, words that may be beautiful or horrible, you don't really know, when you share that with another person, you're sharing a part of your soul. And that's what I shared with David. I showed him things I had written that I never showed anyone else, not even my editor. And even things that did see the light of day, David was often the first to look them over. I loved that I could share my secrets and intimacies with him in that way. And I'd like to think he did some of the same for me with his photographs. I got to see every shot he took, good or bad, before it was touched up or remastered. And that first photo he ever took of me, I wouldn't let him do anything to it at all. I wanted it to stay just as it was, the raw shot showing me as I really was and capturing what David really saw as a photographer and what he saw in me.
Well that was quite the outpouring, and what a long paragraph. My editor would be ashamed. I'm certainly glad this will never land on his desk. I don't think I'll ever write the story of the love between me and David down for monetary gain. It's too beautiful and pure for that. And besides, it's also too perfect. Though my life before David was sad and could make for a tale of moderate woe, my life since David has been all I had ever dreamed of. As much as a happy ending might make people smile, it isn't as powerful as a story of struggle and sadness. I just don't have that with me and David. In fact, I've probably bored you already with as much as I've shared, or else made you want to vomit at the thought of our sickening sweetness. It is sickening from the outside, I'm sure, for someone looking in at what we have, not understanding just how much we love each other. But when you're on the inside of a relationship like that, there's nothing sweeter, nothing more beautiful in all the world. And I'd never sell that out for any price.
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Bridget is really going all out on this pageant stuff. This is the third time this week she's insisted we go shopping to find me the perfect outfit. The clothes I tried on the last two times just didn't pack enough punch or something. I tried to tell her it wasn't good for my foot to be walking around so much, but she dismissed that with a flick of her wrist as the lame excuse that it was. It really was just a lame excuse. At this point, I can hobble along on my foot fine, just can't run anywhere.
I guess it is kind-of fun, going out shopping with Bridget. We used to do it in high school, a little, but never like this. Bridget keeps insisting that my outfit be perfect. She's bought about $300 worth of new clothes for herself so far (there go the winnings from the pageant, if she was actually going to win), but hasn't allowed me to purchase a thing. At least I get to try on lots of different clothes this way. It's a little challenging with the boot on my leg, but we make it work, and I do have to admit, I take some selfish pride in looking in the mirror at myself in a gorgeous gown, hearing Bridget say how stunning I am. But then I snap out of it when she says, "But it's just not perfect" and then we move on to the next rack, looking for the dress that is perfect. I'm not entirely clear on Bridget's criteria. I've seen at least five dresses I'd love to own, and one that I'm considering sneaking off and actually buying when Bridget isn't looking, but I do know she's a lot more of a fashionista than I am, so I'll just have to trust her judgment if I want to win this thing.
The thing is, I don't really. I don't really want to win, that is. I suppose it would be nice, but unlike Bridget, I have no illusions of a Christina victory arising from this pageant. It just seems like an opportunity to spend some time with my long absent friend and try to take my mind off the premature ending of my first ever collegiate track season. It is helping somewhat, though I have to admit that when I do have to take off this boot while trying on clothes, I can't help but think about how annoying it is and how I wish this hadn't happened to me, but ultimately, there are much worse things that could have happened. I could have been hurt much worse. I could have been killed in a car crash before even getting to the meet. Worse yet, my father could have been killed in a car crash on his way to the meet. But that's all much too morbid, and it gives me chills even thinking it. I'm grateful none of those much worse things happened, but it's still hard not to wish that bad things, or even simply unpleasant things, wouldn't happen at all.
I have to go now though, Bridget's found another gown for me to try on and this one... it looks stunning to me. I actually can't wait to try it on. I hope Bridget approves because I'd really, really like to take this one home with me.
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Only three more days until the beauty pageant! I'm, like, so excited! My girl Chris is totally going to win! The dress we found for her is absolutely gorgeous. It's a bit pricey, but I was happy to chip in. Chris tried to refuse my offer, but I've got the cash and she doesn't. I suppose she could get some if she really needed to. Her dad isn't exactly loaded, but he could afford to spoil his daughter every once in a while. Of course, Chris would never ask him to do that. She's too sweet to ask daddy for a handout. Luckily for her, I'm too sweet not to take advantage and ask my daddy for a handout! And he's too sweet to say no!
Anyway, I'm getting way off topic! Usually I'm not this giddy, you know, but I can't help it! It's nice to have girl time again after all that time wasted on Zach. I guess it wasn't a total waste; we had fun for a while, but it just got old. Hanging out with Chris is way more fun! Hair, make-up, clothes. I missed messing around with all that stuff with her! Girl time is totally the best!
I just know Chris is going to win the pageant tomorrow. She is objectively the most beautiful girl at this crappy little college. There's no way anyone's going to beat her. I have to admit, I was a little worried about the talent portion, but that was until I discovered Christina has a gorgeous voice. Her piano skills are still developing, but by playing and singing at the same time, I think she'll make up for it. And I'm sure the Q&A will make up for it, too. Most of these contestants will just be dumb pretty girls, not far off from myself, I'm not ashamed to admit. But Chris has the brains and the beauty, and in much higher proportions than any one else who's going to be competing.
Chris is humble and kinda shy. She knows she's beautiful, but she thinks of it as a reflection of her mother rather than her own beauty. But it's hers, and she should own it for her. I think his pageant will show her that other people notice her for her. And if I can help her win, which I know I can with such great material to work with, that makes me a good friend, right? After the last several months, I really need to feel like a good friend.
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Strange things happen sometimes, and you end up finding love when you aren't looking for it. I grew up on a farm, never dreamed of leaving the country, and that's why it was so incredible to meet and fall in love with a man who had the same passion I did. He isn't sentimental like I am, and he doesn't like to sit out on the porch, watching the sun set and sipping lemonade. But he values the hard work, doing something good with his hands. He enjoys the feel of the dirt and digging crops out of the ground or plucking them off a plant that grew out of the ground.
I know his past isn't that glorious, and that he was kind-of a jerk to his first wife, but I believe him when he says their relationship wasn't healthy to begin with. Even our relationship isn't perfect, but we understand each other, and I know that he loves me, even if he never says it. This kind of marriage isn't for every one, but for us, it just works. I'm the sappy one and he's the down to earth one and the country, this beautiful land that offers opportunity both for sentiment and for getting your hands dirty, that's what brings us together.
Part of me always thought our children would stay here forever on the farm with us, or maybe move off to acreages of their own, but I knew deep inside that at least some of them would move away. I've never wanted to go anywhere else, but their father came from the city to the farm, so why shouldn't they have some desire to do the opposite, to see what else is out there? I can respect that. I'm even glad for them.
It's hard to have another one start talking about going off on her own, so soon after Brady took off. Has it really been two years already since he left? I guess it nearly has. He did call me the other day to say he was coming home for the summer this year. He sounded really excited, more excited than I've ever heard him before, but he wouldn't tell me what was going on. He said it would have to wait until he comes home. I wonder if he met a girl. That would make me so happy if my son has found love. It might not be like the love I found, few loves are and few people understand the kind of love my husband and I have, but love comes in many forms, and all that ultimately matters to me is that my little boy is safe and happy.
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