You'd think that after those two miserable experiences, I would have learned my lesson. But I guess back then I was a glutton for punishment, pardon the clique, or else I just thought that somewhere out there there must be a good looking athletic guy who had both a heart and a brain. I would never go so far as to say that such a person doesn't exist. I'm sure he does, somewhere, but I never found him. What I did find was the worst man I had ever dated. He had a brilliant smile that he flashed about like it was nothing and said all the right words to everyone. He was charming and muscular and managed to maintain a 3.5 GPA while still heading up the men's lacrosse team. He always seemed to listen to what I had to say. He respected me and only gave me what I wanted. But, oh, how he made me want it. I remember thinking he had to be the one. I had finally found the man I had been seeking. How wrong I was.
-----
Okay, so I'm realizing you might be thinking I'm a bit of an ass when it comes to women. You've heard about me at the start of a relationship and at the end, but I don't know that you've heard enough about the middle. I think you've realized by now that Lizzy and I actually had a pretty decent time together, before the end. I want to emphasize that again, before I go on with my story. Lizzy was crazy, but I felt in the middle of the relationship, and again after dating Bridget, that she was crazy in a good way, a fun way. She said and did lots of random things, but then again, so did I. Sometimes she said things that annoyed Brady, but she usually apologized afterwards. She tried to get me to relax and have more fun, but she understood when I had to study for a test. She realized that was what was important to me, just like I realized that beauty pageants were important to her. I think she cut back on them a little while we were dating. I think she was afraid I'd think less of her if I realized just how obsessed she was with winning. Maybe I would have been a little unnerved, but there are much worse things to obsess over. And she didn't let it get in the way of her job or of our relationship. Lizzy wasn't perfect, but no one is.
She had a rough childhood, too. She didn't talk about it much, but I got enough out of her to learn her dad had left when she was very young and her mother wasn't a particularly good parent. Lizzy wasn't very open about it, but I could see the pain in her eyes, even that day we broke up when she was talking about her mother. But Lizzy was strong and determined and she wouldn't let life keep her down. She took control. Maybe she even scared me a little in that regard.
But still, we had fun together. She let me hang out at the store while she was working. We'd go get frozen yogurt or hot chocolate, depending on the weather. She never laughed at me for wearing sandals year round. We'd go to the park and feed the ducks. We even named a few of them. We flew a kite there one time, too. We just bought a cheap kid from some toy store and flew it for a while and then Lizzy just let it go and we watched it sail off into the distance. We had a good time together. But where was it going? I broke up with Lizzy in part because I didn't know where our relationship was going. Or maybe I did know where it was going and it scared me.
Either way, we broke off and it was done. I decided the Lizzy phase of my life was over. But by the end of the summer, I was getting restless and bored and wanted to have fun again. I needed to find a way to loosen up, to help me get over Lizzy. That was when I decided dating a sorority girl was the way to go. I truly believed dating a girl who was more into partying than Lizzy, who was in to fun but not so much into the crazy party scene, would be a way to help me forget Lizzy. Seeing Lizzy at campus early on that semester certainly didn't help with the whole me forgetting her thing. Part of me wanted to run right up to her and kiss her, but instead I just ran away. I was done with Lizzy. Brady asked me if I had wanted her to run after me. I think a part of me did. But she didn't catch me, and she didn't go looking for me. If she really wanted to, she could have called my cell phone or looked me up in the student directory. But she didn't. So I let it go. I figured we were done and that was that.
So I went on with my plan to date a sorority girl. I wasn't particular at first, but I'm trying to convince you I'm not an ass when it comes to women, so I will tell you that I at least wanted a girl who wanted to date me, and a girl who would have a good time without too much of a desire for commitment. I went in expecting our relationship to be fairly temporary. I knew it was a rebound type thing, even though I was the one who had broken things off with Lizzy. When I started dating Bridget, I tried to be light hearted about it, to convey a sense that this wasn't a long term thing. But I never said it explicitly, and even then, my hinting words and my dedicated actions weren't sending the same message. Dude, I don't know, maybe I am an ass when it comes to women.
But I really did have fun with Bridget for at least a month before I started to feel uneasy. I needed fun and Bridget provided it. We'd go to the frats every week. She'd get drunk and do ridiculous things. I'd get just tipsy enough to enjoy myself, but not so much that I couldn't remember what happened. I needed to make sure Bridget got back to her house safely, too. I never really knew how far those frat guys would go, and I suspected Bridget was in no condition to tell them no. Maybe she wouldn't have wanted to say no even she was sober, but I certainly wanted her to say no.
After that first month of nothing by partying and drinking, I realized this was not going to work. I cared about my studies, even if Bridget didn't. And I knew that she should care. I started declining her invites to go to parties and encouraging her to stay home and study once in a while, or at least go to class. But she just pulled out her C+ test scores on me and declared that she was doing good enough. I tried to tell her that wasn't good enough, but she wouldn't listen. She'd just walk up to me and kiss me and tell me not to be such a party pooper. She was a fantastic kisser. A lot more saliva than Lizzy for sure, but at the time I liked it, gross as that may sound.
I wanted to dump her, but somehow I couldn't. It was like she had a hold on me. Like I hadn't gotten everything I should from the relationship or something. I'd told her before I didn't think this was going to work out and she'd just say, "Well then, enjoy it while you can, dude" as if it wasn't going to work out because she was going to dump me eventually. I think that's why I stuck with it. I didn't want to be the bad guy and dump her and I felt like surely she would dump me eventually, so I just stuck it out and waited for that to happen. I refused more and more of her party invites and tried to be as lame as possible.
I think Brady noticed the difference more than I had hoped he would. I kept asking me if I wanted to go out to the mall or to a movie or something. I declined. I knew I would get my life back. I was just waiting for Bridget to dump me. And in the meantime, I might as well study hard and get good grades. I managed to pull my B's up to A's and the one C I was getting up to a B+. So that was good, at least. In the end, Brady didn't have to be so concerned. It took a while, but eventually Bridget told me she was bored with me and that it was probably best to just move on. Besides, her friend Chris needed her. Bridget had never mentioned Chris before, so I figured she was just making some sort of excuse, but I let it go. I was free.
Now all I had to do was decide if I wanted to go back to Lizzy or not, if she would even have me, that is.
-----
Bridget was a bitch, I thought, just stringing Zach along like that. He deserved better than that. Even Lizzy was better than that. He wasn't doing anything about it. He was just letting her continue to claim to be his girlfriend even though she clearly wasn't any more. Something had to be done, and if Zach wasn't going to do it, I was. I'm usually not very confrontational, but Zach was my friend, and I knew he used to love life and I hated seeing him, well, like me: all work and no play. He was supposed to be the one trying to convince me to ditch the books and live a little! Not the other way around.
I wasn't as intimidated of Bridget as I had been of Lizzy. Sometimes, I felt like Lizzy might just whip out a knife and stab me, even though she always tried to make up for the times she was rude to me. Bridget was just rude without caring. That kind of a girl, the kind that just runs her mouth off, I don't think you really have to be afraid of her so much. So I wasn't. And so one Friday night before the frat parties, when Zach was up in his room studying, I stopped by Bridget's sorority house to talk to her.
I'm a little surprised she even came down to talk to me. When she did come down, she looked a little sad, but that wasn't going to stop me from saying what I had to say. "Bridget, I know you don't like me," I said.
"I wouldn't say that," she answered, which really caught me off guard, but I wouldn't let her shake me.
"You and Zach, it just can't go on like this. I care about him too much for that."
She sneered and said, "Gay much?"
"Bridget, don't be like that. You don't have to..."
She sighed and rolled her eyes as she put her hands on her hips, then she looked right at me. "Listen, you're right," she said. "I know you're right. Zach's not a real party animal. He likes to have fun, but he cares about other stuff, too. Sometimes too much, but ya know, no one's perfect."
I just stood there in stunned silence. I have never seen Bridget like this before. She never cared about anything.
"Listen, I'll break up with him," she said. "He's too nice or determined or something to do it himself."
"Good," I said. And then realizing how horrible that sounded, I added, "Thank you." Not knowing what else to do, I held out my hand.
She rolled her eyes and then shook it. Then she looked up at me and said. "Friends are better than lovers." And she went back into the sorority house.
It was the strangest most unexpected encounter with her I had never imagined. I realized afterwards that I had never spoken to her alone before then. Zach had always been around. If she was like this when she was alone with me, did she act differently when she was alone with Zach? Or had something strange just happened? Either way, I just shook my head and turned and walked away. I was tempted to knock on the door again, try to find out what was wrong with her, but I wouldn't let me resolve be shaken. This one random oddity aside, she still was no good as a girlfriend for my best friend, and I should simply count my blessings that, by some miracle, she finally seemed to agree.
-----
Sometimes it makes me really sad how often people think of me as a bitch. Being a bitch and being a party girl are two very different things and too often, people get them confused. Like Brady. He means well. He's just trying to protect his friend. But he doesn't have to be such an ass about it. Really, when he came to talk to me alone, it wasn't so bad, but before then, all those glares and judgmental looks, I don't know that he realized it but he was treating me the way I treat others. Yes, I know I can be rude and judgmental of people who are too uptight. Brady apparently does it will people who are too loose and free like me. Yet, he's such good friends with Zach. I guess it's all about balance with him. I suppose I can respect that. Maybe I need more balance in my life. Especially after seeing what happened to Chris, I realize that getting too obsessed with something can really destroy you if it ends up getting taken away.
I don't want to be like that.
Maybe my short time with Zach and Brady has been a wake-up call. Maybe I need to get my act together, be a better friend and student. After all, no one will be happy if I fail out of all my classes, not even me.
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