The House

It's only day seven of this three month experiment and I'm already deeply regretting my decision to sign up for this.  I thought it would be interesting, getting to meet someone different from me.  I knew it would be a challenge, but I thought it would be a beneficial challenge.  I thought they would give me someone from a different culture, someone with different religious beliefs or family traditions.  Someone who could teach me something, who would work with me.  Instead, they gave me a lazy slob.

I should have known this was how it was going to go.  They told me that they were going to pair me with someone who was drastically different from myself.  And I know I'm a good, smart, hardworking person.  So the opposite of that is a terrible, stupid, lazy non-person.  I guess scientifically he's still a person, but he certainly doesn't seem like a human being.  He seems more like a machine.  All he does is play video games all day, and drink the soda they provide and complain that there isn't more beer.  I think he's showered twice since we've moved in and I'm not convinced he actually uses shampoo at all, as greasy as his hair is.  I'd go into his bathroom and check, but I'm afraid of what I might find there.

They told me that in the case of an emergency, they'd let us out early.  Now I'm trying to figure out what sort of artificial emergency I could create.  It has to be something believable, but something that won't hurt either of us.  I've tried just shouting at the intercoms that this isn't working out.  I didn't think they could even hear me until yesterday when a voice said to just stick it out.

I'm trying to stick it out, I really am, but I can't imagine spending another 12 weeks with this man.  He's truly repulsive.  I wanted to gain something from this intellectually.  All he wanted was a free place to crash and free food for three months.  To him, it's an all expenses paid vacation.  To me, it's a nightmare.  He's gotten everything he wanted and expected, and I've gotten nothing.  Maybe I'm not the smart one after all.

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Peter and Sarah both agreed to this, but for drastically different reasons.  Sarah's journal entry above pretty much sums it up.  At that point, Peter couldn't have told you much of anything about Sarah's motivations, but he probably would have agreed with her assessment of his own.  At that point, Peter didn't even know how upset Sarah was.  He didn't notice.  He wasn't very observant.  Would he have cared if he had noticed then?  Well, I'll let you be the judge of that.

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Day 8:  Peter showers for the third time.  Sarah showers for the eighth time.
Day 9:  Peter throws together a PB&J with a side of chips.  Sarah waits until he's done making a mess in the kitchen and then cooks some pad thai.  She keeps the kitchen door closed so Peter won't smell it and hides the leftovers in the vegetable drawer where she hopes he won't notice it.
Day 10 early morning:  Peter notices the left over pad thai at 4am while Sarah is sleeping.  He eats most of it, but he leaves enough for Sarah to have some for lunch tomorrow.  He assumes she made it and she'd be upset if he ate it all.
Day 10 noon:  Sarah gets the pad thai out of the fridge and notices most of it is gone.  She feels angry and stressed and really considers yelling at Peter but decides that won't solve anything and eats her lunch in silence.
Day 10 evening:  Peter notices the pad thai is gone and thinks that it is a good thing he didn't eat it all.  He's glad he showed enough restraint to leave some for Sarah.
Day 11:  Peter takes another shower.  He uses shampoo.
Day 12:  Sarah has a cold.  Peter doesn't notice.
Day 13:  Sarah's cold gets worse.  Peter still doesn't notice.
Day 14:  Sarah stays in bed all day with her cold.  Peter notices he hasn't seen her all day, hopes she's okay, and then goes to bed.
Day 15:  Peter hears Sarah coughing in the kitchen and asks her if she's okay.  She gives him a glare and he shrugs and asks her not to contaminate any of his food.  After he leaves, Sarah takes out his bag of chips and coughs all over them.
Day 16:  Peter finishes off the bag of chips.  Sarah is starting to feel better.
Day 17:  Sarah's cold is pretty much gone.  Peter doesn't get sick.
Day 18:  Peter still doesn't get sick.  Sarah is disappointed and then feels bad about being disappointed and then feels bad about everything.
Day 19:  Sarah stays in her room all day even though she isn't sick anymore.  She spends most of the day crying.
Day 20:  Peter notices Sarah isn't around.  He goes looking for her (though in the kitchen he can't help but grab a snack).  As he's munching on pretzels, he approaches Sarah's room and hears her crying.

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There's a knock on the door.  "Sarah"?

"Go away!" a shout rings back.

"Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay, you dufus!  You're a terrible person and you're making me into a terrible person!  I hope you die, and hoping that makes me want to die!  Leave me alone!  I don't want to see you for the rest of this miserable experience."

Peter is taken aback and the words he hears.  Sarah seemed like such a nice girl.  She let him alone.  She didn't complain to him about his messy habits like most girls had.  She even made pad thai that one day.  He thought they were getting along just fine.  But then he wonders if maybe she really just hated him the whole time, like most other girls seemed to.  For most other girls, he didn't care, he could be himself and live how he wanted and if they didn't like it they could leave.  But Sarah couldn't leave, she had signed up for this for three months, just like he did.  He didn't really know why she was so upset since she had mostly left him alone and done her own thing, but maybe that wasn't what she had wanted.  Had Sarah come here expecting to find a boyfriend?  Was that her motivation?  Peter didn't really like the idea of that, but maybe he could at least be a little more like what Sarah expected.  He went to take a shower.  Then he went to the kitchen and made some mac and cheese.  He made it with fresh milk and cheese and macaroni noodles.  He didn't just use the instant stuff.  Mac and cheese was the one thing he knew how to make.  He knew Sarah had to get hungry at some point, probably soon, so he ate his macaroni, left the rest on the stove over low heat, and then went to clean up the living room where he had basically been pigging out and playing video games all day for the past 20 days.  He cleans up, sends the trash down the shoot, and goes back to his room to read comics.  He sets a timer for an hour so he remembers to go check on the mac and cheese and put it in the fridge if Sarah hasn't eaten it yet.  Thirty minutes later, there is a knock on the door.

"Yeah?"

"Peter, you didn't make this for me, did you?"

Peter opens the door and sees a teary eyed Sarah standing there with mascara running down her face from when she was crying holding a bowl of warm mac and cheese in her hands.

He can't help but smile just a little.  "Yeah," he says, "just like you made the pad thai."

Sarah frowns.  "I didn't make that for you," she says.

"I assumed you made it for both of us," he says.

"You can't just assume things," she says, some of her anger coming back.

"Neither can you," he says.

Sarah doesn't know what to say.  There's a silence that's just about to get awkward and then she says, "Well, thanks for the mac and cheese."  She turns and walks away.  Peter wants to ask her what she was expecting from this whole experiment, but he thinks best of it.  He decides she just needs some time to herself.  If she wants to talk to him, she'll know where to find him, and it certainly won't be in the living room playing games.  That did not work out well, it turned out.  Peter keeps to himself for the next three days.  On day four, there's another knock at the door.


"Yeah?"

"Peter, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you want to come out?"

"Why?"

"Well then can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Sarah steps in and looks at Peter laying on the bed, legs crossed, with a notepad in his lap and a pencil in his hand.  "What are you doing?" she asks.

"Sketching."

"Can I see?"

He turns it around and shows her.  She wrinkles up her nose.

"You don't like it?" he asks.

"It's technically proficient," she admits, "but I'm not much for blood and gore."

Peter sighs, tosses the book aside, and sits up.  He looks at Sarah.  "What did you expect from this?" he asks.

"Not what I'm getting," Sarah admits.

"What did you expect from me?" he asks.

"Not what I was getting," Sarah replies.

"And now?"

Sarah sighs.  "I don't know, it's better, but it's still not..."

"A relationship?"

Sarah takes a step back and wrinkles up her nose.  "No!  Oh God no!  I wasn't in this for that!"

Peter feels hurt.  A part of him wanted her to want him.  She is pretty.  Like, really pretty.  But he does his best to hide his emotions.  "Well then what did you want?"

"Something intellectually stimulating.  I wanted to meet a new person, learn about them, get their perspective on life."

Peter can't help but laugh.  "So join some sort of club," he suggests.  "Why on earth would you expect to get that here."

"They promised me someone different."

"They promised me free room and board for three months."

"Yeah, and you're sure taking advantage of that.  At least you were."

Peter sighs and stands up.  "What do you want from me?  You weren't happy when I was being myself, having fun.  You aren't happy now that I'm staying away from you either.  You aren't looking for a boyfriend or even a friend, you're just look for 'something intellectually stimulating.'  You want to play Scrabble or something?"

Sarah rolls her eyes.  "Geeze, I don't know what I expected to gain from talking to you.  Maybe we should just keep to ourselves."

"Fine by me."

"Fine then."

"I'm going to move the TV and the game system into my room then."

"Be my guest."

"Fine."

"Fine."

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The new arrangement worked okay for a while, but Peter started to get curious.  He wanted to know what Sarah was doing.  Part of him saw her as a challenge.  He wanted to make her like him.  For some reason, he wanted to be able to make him happy.  He still didn't understand Sarah.  He didn't know that Sarah was now the one who didn't care about any of it.

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Sarah is sitting in the living room reading when Peter carries the TV back in.  She wrinkles up her nose.  "What on earth are you doing?"

"I'm going to watch a movie.  You want to join me?"

"No.  Couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

"Well, I guess not.  But this is the living room.  It's shared territory, and I'd like to watch a movie here, so...."

Sarah rolls her eyes.  "Geeze, I'll go to my room.  Have fun then!"

"I will!"

Peter realizes that didn't go at all like he had hoped.  Was he really that repulsive.  As he watched his movie (would have been a romantic comedy if Sarah had stayed but now it was an action flick), he decided he was going to start showering more often.


As the days go by, Peter starts trying to do nice things for Sarah.  He brings her meals which she refuses at first, but eventually accepts.  He cleans the house, does the dishes.  He even tries to sketch some things that are less gruesome, though he doesn't show them to her yet.  After a week of this, Sarah says to him, "I told you I wasn't in this for a boyfriend."

"I know," Peter says.  "We can just be friends."

"I'd given up on that a while ago," Sarah says.

Peter wants to say, "Then why are you accepting the food?" but he thinks better of it and instead says, "I haven't."  He waits to see if she'll say anything and when she doesn't, he says, "You wanted to learn more about another culture, another person.  You can still do that.  You can still learn about me."

Sarah sighs.  "You aren't exactly what I had in mind."

Peter frowns.  "I know," he says, "but you seem like a good person.  So why do you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you," Sarah says, feeling like she might be lying just a little, "I just hate being around you."

"Even now?" Peter asks.

Sarah looks at him.  His hair is neatly done, he's wearing pants and a shirt and shoes.  He doesn't look half bad.  "I guess you're okay now," she says.

Peter can't help himself now.  "Because I've cleaned up?  Because I'm more physically appealing?"

"That's not fair," Sarah says.

Peter decides now is the time.  He pulls a folded up paper out of his pocket.  "I drew this for you," he says.  Sarah looks at it.  It takes her a moment to realize its a drawing of her.  "This is you, finally free of this place," he says.  "And I've decided that I'm willing to let you make it a reality.  All you have to do is punch me.  Physical violence is one thing that they'll stop the experiment over."

"I'm not going to punch you," Sarah says, sneering.

"Why not?"

"Because it's mean."

"And the way you've been acting isn't mean?"

Sarah wants to yell, but she doesn't know what she would say.

"You wanted to get to know a different person," Peter says.  "What makes you think I didn't want that, too."

"Your attitude," Sarah says.  "And the fact that you basically told me as much a few weeks ago."

"Well maybe I've changed my mind."

"Yeah right.  You're just after my body or something."  She smirks.

Peter wants to just deny that, but he knows that wouldn't be entirely true.  Normally he would deny it.  But maybe telling the truth is the best policy here.  She's not going to be with him if he lies, and maybe by being honest he can get past it.  "A little," he admits.

Sarah stares at him.

"I mean, I would never force you," he says, realizing as he says it how awful that sounds, "I just mean, you're really hot."

Sarah sneers.

"Okay, less so at this moment," he admits.

Sarah makes a short of snoring noise and shakes her head.  He's patient.  He doesn't know why he cares about making her happy.  Maybe because he feels responsible for how miserable she was for the first few weeks.  "Okay, fine," she finally says.  "We can try to get along without this isolation.  But you can't go back to being a slob, at least not until we're done with this house."

"Somehow I've managed so far," he says.

"Yeah."

"I have to tell you, I was more of a slob the first week or two here than I normally am.  I mean, I would live like that if I could, but in reality, it doesn't work out so well."

"Yeah."

"Well, you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Okay, fine."

He suggests Back to the Future.  He's shocked to learn she's never seen it.  He loves it.  They watch it.  She thinks its kinda dumb, but has some quirky appeal.  He says, "Just like me?"  She rolls her eyes, says good night and goes to bed.  He's left in the dark not knowing what to think anymore.

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Day 32:  Peter and Sarah talk.  Peter talks about how he dropped out of college to open up a comic and video game store with some inheritance money he got from a great uncle.  He says he's working on publishing a comic of his own.  Sarah is surprised.  She never thought much of comics and video games, but she can see how that could be an entertaining creative outlet.  Peter asks why Sarah always has to make things sound so intellectual.  Sometimes fun can just be fun, he tells her.  Sarah frowns and says, "Maybe."  She tells Peter that she is studying to be a pediatrician.  She loves kids.  Peter doesn't like kids at all.  "But you love video games," Sarah says.  "So what?" Peter asks.  Sarah doesn't know what else to say.

Day 35:  Sarah agrees to try playing one of Peter's video games.  She doesn't like it.  Too much blood and gore.

"You're going to have a hard time being a doctor if you can't even handle fake blood," he says.

"That's different," she says, "and besides, there won't be much blood and gore in my job.  I won't be working in an emergency room."

"I guess you have it all figured out," he says.

"Yes, I do."

Day 36:  Peter suggests she try a different game, a game called Pikmin.  Sarah thinks its weird, but she likes it a little more.

Day 37:  Peter suggests they try a racing game.  Sarah thinks that's okay, but doesn't have much of a point.

Day 38:  Peter downloads some puzzle games for Sarah to play.  Sarah likes these the best and asks why he didn't show these to her sooner.  Peter shrugs, but secretly he knows it was because he just wanted to make sure she wouldn't like the same things he did.

Day 39:  Sarah teaches Peter how to make Pad Thai.

Day 40:  Sarah watches medical dramas with Peter and points out all the things that are wrong in them.  Peter doesn't find this very entertaining, but he puts up with it.

Day 41:  Peter and Sarah talk more.  Peter is an only child.  Sarah has two older sisters.  Her older sisters are very successful.  Peter wonders if this is why Sarah puts so much pressure on herself.  He doesn't ask.

Day 45:  Peter takes a risk.  He asks Sarah if she would ever have sex with someone just to have sex.  Her appalled reaction tells him the answer.  "I'm sorry," he says.  "You should be," she replies.

Day 47:  Sarah and Peter read in the living room.  She's reading some thick novel about children in Africa.  He's reading a comic book about super heroes saving New York City.  She keeps glancing at him.  He notices.

"What?" Peter asks.

Sarah blushes a little.  "Nothing," she says.

She's thinking about his question from two days ago.  He's forgotten he even asked it.  He holds out the comic book, "Do you want to trade?" he asks.

Sarah laughs and shakes her head.  "No thanks."

"Why not?" he asks.

Sarah doesn't know what to say.  "Okay, let's trade," she agrees.

She doesn't expect to like his comic.  He doesn't expect to like her book.  For once, they're both wrong.

Day 48:  Peter admits to Sarah that the book she was reading wasn't so bad, so far.  She admits his comic wasn't bad either, but she's finished it already.  Does he have another.  Peter smiles.

Day 53:  Peter and Sarah are sitting in the living room.  Sarah is playing puzzle games.  Peter is reading a book about children in Africa.  Sarah glances over at him.

"Are you crying?" she asks.

"No," he says.  He wipes a tear away.  "Yes," he corrects himself.  "It's really sad.  These kids..."

"Shhh!" Sarah orders, looking at how far he is through the book.  "I don't think I've gotten that far yet."

"You should have said something," Peter tells her.  "I didn't want to hog your own book from her."

"It's okay," she says.  "It's really okay."

"Here," Peter says, handing it to her.

"No, it's really okay," she says, "I have other books."

"But you can read from where you left off to where I am," he says.  "Then we can read it together."

Sarah looks hesitant.

"Come on," he urges.  "It will be romantic."

"Peter..."

He sighs.  "I'm sorry.  Romantic is the wrong word.  I know that isn't what you want.  Heck it isn't what I want, not anymore."

"Why not?" Sarah asks.  She takes the book from him and flips back to where she left off, so she'll have something to do.

Peter sighs.  "This is going to make me sound terrible," he says, "But I view you as too much of a person now to want to, well, you know..."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Sarah says.  She's surprised his attitude doesn't upset her more.

"I know," he admits.  "But I've never really gotten close to anyone so it's weird to think of someone I am close to as a potential sexual partner."

"It doesn't have to be that way," she says again.

Now Peter is confused.  "What do you mean?"

"It doesn't have to just be about sex," she says.  And she leans over and kisses him.

Peter is stunned.  What is she trying to say?  What is she trying to do?  She's like a friend to him now.  He can't cross the line back to romantic interest.  How would that even work?  Is that even what she wants?  He watches her get up from the couch and smile coyly at him and she walks away down the hallway, book in hand.

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It's day 55 when Sarah catches up to Peter's spot in the book.  He's in the living room playing video games, drinking a glass of water, when she comes in.  "I'm ready to start reading together," she says.

"Just let me finish this level," he says, not looking up.

Sarah smiles.  She's used to this now.  It doesn't bother her so much.  "Of course."

Thirty minutes later, Sarah is sitting on the chair and Peter is sitting on the couch listening to her read.  An hour later, she gets up, sits next to him on the couch and hands him the book.  Another hour later, Peter has stopped reading.  Peter and Sarah are still on the couch.  Peter and Sarah are kissing.


"You know, it's weird how this worked out," Sarah says to him three weeks later.  They're eating a dinner that they prepared together.  "This isn't at all what I thought I wanted from this experiment."

"I'm not going to lie," Peter admits, "this is exactly the kind of thing I've always wanted.  I just can't help but feel that you can't possibly actually want to be with me."

"Don't say that," Sarah says.  Her eyes are sad.

"But you hated me at the beginning," he says.

"I never hated you," she counters.  "Even when I was angry, I said I didn't hate you."

"Words are one thing, but feelings are another," Peter says.  "For example, at the beginning, I would have banged you without knowing anything about you if you had asked me to."

"That's disgusting," Sarah says, but she doesn't seem angry.  She's still just eating her dinner.

"I know," Peter says.  He sighs.  "I know it is."  He puts down his fork and looks up at her, "That's why I can't help but think that there's no way you would actually be with me under any other circumstances."

"Well we happened to find the right circumstances," Sarah says.

"And what happens when those circumstances get taken away," Peter says.

"What do you mean?"

"What happens in another two weeks when we're done with this experiment and we leave this house.  Will you still want to be with me then?"

"As long as you stay like you are now," Sarah says.

"That's just it," Peter says.  "I can't promise that."

"Then what do you want to do?" Sarah asks.

"I don't know," Peter says.

They eat the rest of the meal in silence.

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Day 78:  Peter and Sarah are still together, in the same room, but they aren't together like they were.  They are quiet, talking only when necessary.  When they look at each other, they both know they want to be together, but they restrain themselves.  Sarah knows it would work if Peter let it.  Peter knows it never would.

Day 82:  The mood has gotten a little less awkward.  Sarah still looks at Peter like she wants something.  Peter decides on what he has to do.

Day 83:  Peter doesn't take a shower.  Peter doesn't clean up his dishes.  Peter doesn't ask Sarah if she wants a turn playing video games.

Day 84:  Same as Day 81.

Day 85:  Same as Day 82.

Day 86:  Sarah tells Peter she knows what he's doing.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Peter says.

"Yes you do," Sarah insists.  "You're going back to your old ways.  You're trying to make me hate you again."

"So you did hate me!" Peter exclaims.

Sarah rolls her eyes.  "That's not what I meant!" she says.

"Yes it is," Peter insists.

"Peter..."

"Just leave me alone if you're not going to accept who I am," Peter says.

Sarah lets out an exasperated sigh.  "Fine," she says.  She goes back to her room.  Peter feels a brief pain after she's gone, but he pushes it away.  Peter feels a small tear on his face after she's gone, but he wipes it away.

Day 87:  Peter can't stand the not showering anymore.  He tries to take a shower while Sarah's still asleep so that she won't hear what he's doing.

Day 88:  Silence.

Day 89:  Silence.

Day 90:  Peter wants to tell Sarah he's sorry, to get back with her before it's too late, but he doesn't because he loves her.  Sarah has decided Peter isn't who she had hoped he was after all.

Day 91:  The final day.  Sarah makes a nice meal, hoping maybe she'll win Peter back.  Sarah doesn't know she never lost him.  Sarah thinks Peter is wrong about it not working between them.  Peter knows he's right.  He eats the meal and is polite because he can't stand to be mean to Sarah on their last day together, but he doesn't make advances, he doesn't try to kiss her, he doesn't say how he really feels.

That evening, they leave the house.  Sarah tries one last time, offering to give Peter her phone number.  He declines.  She says they could make it work, out in the real world, away from the house.  Peter says it isn't true.  Peter says she deserves someone who loves her for her and not just for her body.  Peter's practiced this line, this expression of his feelings for her that has become a lie for him.  He practiced hard to turn it back into the truth it once was and is no longer.  He's done a good job.  Sarah believes him.  He sees anger in her eyes as they part ways.  He feels pain, but he waits until they are out of sight to cry.

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Day 192:  It's been another three, almost four months since the experiment ended.  There were varying findings among the couples who housed together.  Sarah heard a little about it.  Peter didn't want to know.  Peter assumed it was all over.  He's leaning over the counter in his store, reading a comic so he can determine if he should recommend it, when a customer walks in.  Peter looks up.  It's Sarah.

"I know you were lying," she says.

His heart is racing.  It had jumped at the sight of her.  "About what?" he asks.

"About us," she says.

He wants to deny it, but looking at her now, he can't deny the truth.  He sees the shirt she's wearing.  It has a video game reference on it combined with a medical reference.  He can't imagine anything more perfect.  He wants to just run into her arms, but instead he says, "How do you know."

She smiles.  "Look at yourself," she says, "and look at your store."

He does.  He's clean, the store is tidy and neatly arranged.

"I read about you in an article," she says.  "Your store is becoming very successful."

"It's thanks to you," he says.

"How so?" she asks.

"You showed me that being a total slob isn't always the way to go, and that you can still have fun and be productive at the same time."

Sarah nods and steps closer.  "You taught me the same thing," she says.

He laughs and it's over.  They didn't need the house.  Well, maybe they did, since it helped them find each other.  Because in the end, they just needed each other.