Dreams

Someday, I'm going to live in a mansion, a ridiculously large house with more rooms than I could ever possibly need with a butler and a maid, a cook and a gardener all in my employ.  I will be the envy of all my friends.  I will throw the most wickedly spectacular parties with caviar, live music from popular bands, and fireworks.  Someday, it's going to happen.  Everything else I do is just a means to that end.

Charles was in charge of the warehouse operations by the age of 22.  He would have gone to college instead of working those 4 years, but he couldn't afford it yet.  Now that he had his new position and a sizable pay raise, thanks to all that "hard work" and "dedication", he could finally afford to start taking night classes.  A business degree was his aim.  It seemed you couldn't get far in any business without credentials, no matter how savvy and spirited you might be.

It was beyond hard, but as he collapsed into bed at the end of each day, he reminded himself that it would be easier in the end.  One year of night classes and then he'd start adding in online classes and before you knew it he'd have his associate's and then his bachelor's and soon his Master's.  It did end up being a bit harder than he imagined, and he felt his health suffering, with anxiety and high blood pressure, but before he knew it, he was in his final two Master's classes in business.  When he closed his eyes at night, he would see his future mansion even before he drifted off to sleep.

It was in one of those final two Master's classes that he met her.

She was beautiful even on her worst day.  He could hardly believe someone hadn't snatched her up already.  From snippets of conversation both overhead and engaged in, he learned that she had been essentially engaged to a man as stunning as she, but it was that "essentially" bit that caused the hold up because it drug on for nearly two years until the man admitted he could never see himself marrying her.  He had been a fool, Charles thought.  Who wouldn't want to marry this girl.

But after weeks of flirting and finally working up the nerve to ask her out, which he was going to do the next day, Charles got his first test score back.  It was a pitiful C, so much worse than he had expected.  Depressed, he sauntered into work the next day only to get a reprimand for said sauntering and for sauntering about all over the job recently, as if his mind was only half there.  That was when Charles realized love, or the perception of love, was only getting in his way.

He redoubled his efforts and worked harder than ever, doing his best to ignore her, to try to even forget her beautiful name.  It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, but he managed to do it, pulling an A on the next test and getting a wonderful review of his remarkable turnaround on the job.

When you put your whole heart into career advancement, there is little if any room for anything else.  Love only gets in your way.  That's what he kept telling himself time and time again.  On the nights when he would wake up from a dream about her, neck sweaty and pulse racing, he reminded himself that love of a beautiful woman was fleeting, but what he was working towards, his beautiful mansion, was real, attainable, and enduring.  He told himself over and over again, and eventually the dreams and even the memory of her, of what might have been, began to fade.

Years passed.  Raises, promotions, new positions.  His bosses admired him and his co-workers mostly groaned and rolled their eyes until eventually he was the boss of all those former "co-workers".  He was rigorously focused on advancing the company in order to advance himself.  And it paid off in full.

After nearly 40 hard-working, dedicated years, he could finally afford his dream home.  There had been no room for family, and very little room for friends, but he had what he had always desired: his mansion on a hill with a pool and tennis courts and even a couple of servants in his employ.  A wonderful housewarming party with all his friends... or almost friends... or likable acquaintances.  Many of the people there were his subordinates and not entirely comfortable, but he managed to invite over a few of his wealthy neighbors as well.

It was a glorious party:  wonderful drinks and food, and those who knew their social graces telling him how wonderful the new place was and how he simply must stop by their homes so they could return the hospitality.  Charles beamed with pride and thought to himself that he had never been happier.  All his goals had been achieved.  Now all that was left was to kick back, relax, and enjoy it all.

That kicking back was exactly what he did that night in his favorite of his six bedrooms.  He untied his bow tie, kicked off his shoes, and turned on the news as he laid back in bed.  That was when he saw her.  After nearly 35 years, there she was on the screen.  She was receiving a charity award for the non-profit she had started up nearly 20 years previously, to serve inner city youth throughout the region.  She had aged, just as he had, but even through the imperfect TV screen, her perfection still shone through.  His heart skipped a beat as his mind raced back to the dreams and the reality of her, some of it blurring together after all this years.  And then, before he knew it, she was leaning over and kissing another man and inviting her grown children up onto the stage with her.  One of them even had a tiny baby with them, presumably her grandchild.  They all looked so happy.

Charles's pulse calmed down again as he scoffed and switched off the TV.  He had clearly dodged a bullet there.  A beautiful bullet, but a bullet nonetheless.  Why waste your life helping others if you can't even help yourself?  He had seen her clothing.  Clearly second rate.  And her husband really wasn't all that good looking.  She could have done better, but Charles couldn't have.  He had everything he ever wanted, and what did she have?  Five minutes of fame on the local news.  She only would have dragged him down; he saw it now for sure.

She'd had her dreams and he'd had his.  His dreams of her had been pushed aside for the real dreams, the dreams of success and prosperity and material happiness.  Had it been worth it all?  Giving up any chance of being with her, with appearing on the stage as her simply husband with their simply children for a few minutes of recognition rather than a giant mansion and a lifetime of glorious accomplishments in business, had that been worth it?  Yes, in his mind, absolutely it had been.  He was the envy of all his friends.  And what was she?  Just a memory, tucked away.  A memory in the ancient dreams of the man she had completely forgotten and whose mansion on the hill she would never see nor care about.  He was the success she would never know, and that made him proud and happy.  Why would he ever cry himself to sleep about that?  All of his dreams had come true.