Famous

I will never be famous. But it is my pleasure to help others rise to fame. They are smart, talented, funny, kind; and I help them get the love and respect they deserve. I am a publicist, and a good one too. I help them rise to be the stars they should be. They are the stars and they deserve it. They deserve it. They deserve it...

Oh crap, who am I kidding? I know the kinds of people from whom I work. Everything you ever thought to be wrong with stars? Yeah, it's true. Every day I deal with the most inept people it's ever been my displeasure to know. Sure, they have to be talented at something to make it this far, but for most, their talent is just being load and obnoxious. That's how they get heard. Or maybe daddy was a star and bought their stardom with his billions of dollars. Whatever the case may be, these people are the most ungrateful, selfish, and stupid people I have ever met.

Sure, maybe once upon a time, there as real talent in the world. I can't imagine that people like Frank Sinatra or John Wayne ever acted like this. Maybe there are even some "good" people out there today who have risen to stardom. I can think of dozens that must be better than the lot I've put in with. At least, I hope for the sake of all the other publicists that they are.

I guess my problem is that I am too good at what I do. None of my clients really deserve stardom. In all honesty, that's probably why they come to me to begin with. I can make just about anyone into a star, except myself. I just don't have the quality it takes to stand in the starlight. Call it talent or class or bitchiness. Whatever it is, I don't have it, but they do, and I know how to draw it out so much that no one even notices what's really there... which at best is nothing and at worst is a wretched human being.

Maybe I'm just jaded, watching all these other undeserving slobs rise to power while I work my butt of covering up their mistakes. Every single one I work for is not even a tenth of the angel they seem to be. Maybe all the others that don't work under me really are the same... if their publicists are even half as good as I am.

I don't know what makes them all such whiny brats. The upbringing, I guess. Most of them have celebrity parents, or at least friends. They weaseled their way into stardom. Not a one of them earned it. Not like me. I earned this miserable job all by myself.

I used to think I would do great things with my life. Before I got this job, I thought this would be doing "great things with my life." Boy was I wrong. I hate getting up every morning, but I get paid well and there is no one better than me. I can take any negative comment made by one of my nitwits and spin it into something positive. That is, if a negative comment from them even gets out to begin with. Any dumb or insensitive thing one of them says to the public is a failure on my part. I tolerate very few failures. In fact, if you consider how often the idiots open their mouths and how often something inappropriate actually gets out, my success rate is about 99.999%.

In all fairness though, they really aren't that bad. They have good hearts, after all. They don't complain too much when I encourage them to publicly support charities. Some of them are even willing to show up at the charity events themselves. Mostly it's because they want the publicity (which, let's be honest, is obviously why I have them do it to begin with), but at least it's a start. Maybe there is hope after all.

I should have been the famous one, though, if only I were good at something other than making other people look good. If I had just one other talent, I could be my own publicist and be the most well-liked celebrity in the world. I wouldn't need a sane person to tell me not to say this or do that. I have common sense, so I would already know these things. Sometimes I just want to scream at my clients, "why don't you already know these things?"

But that's not fair. Maybe they really don't. Maybe that's just what happens when you come from a celebrity home. Sigh. Oh well. One of them is screaming for me so I'd better go. I wonder what mess they need me to help them out of this time.