Looking

Most people live their lives looking back, but when you only see the future, that isn't an option.

I make a lot of money with my skill.  I know that because I'm looking at my bank account right now and I can read each memo on the checks explaining what I saw that earned me those five figures.  I can't remember what I saw, though.  I've already seen it after all.

All I see is the future.  When I look in the mirror, I see myself old.  I don't remember how I was raised, but I must have been raised okay because I only have one scar (which looks like it was from having my appendix removed), and I feel pretty well adjusted.  I wonder if my parents ever call?  I would imagine they do, but all I know is they haven't called in the last 30 minutes.  That's the only way I could remember it.

I have a nice house, full of things I must like, or must have liked at some time, because I have them.

I think I must have some friends, because I don't feel lonely.  Whoever they are, they must be willing to put up with a lot.  Or maybe they like me feeling like I'm meeting them for the first time whenever they call me up or text me or knock on my door.

I guess I could check my phone contacts to see who I know, but what's the point?  The names I'll see, I'll just forget in half an hour anyway.  My friends know how to find me.  They must.

I wonder sometimes if it's better this way, seeing what's going to happen instead of what has, looking forward instead of looking back because you have no other choice.

I'll never know another way, and since I feel okay, then that must be alright with me.