Without End (War)

Some wars are big, and some wars are small.  Some are global, and others are waged within a single soul.  Sometimes I feel like my whole life has been a war, waged between what I can do with my forever and what can never be because of my forever.  But I have literally forever to figure that out.  Others aren't so lucky, and though I don't want to fall in love, never again do I want to fall in love, I'm willing to get a little bit close to someone if it will help them figure their own stuff out.

Small remarks, little words, short phrases, suggestions.  Never an explanation of how it comes from centuries of living.  Just a thought, a spark, a comfort.  Sometimes simply telling someone, "It won't always be like this" is all it takes.  Sometimes, a lie is what brings peace.

There will always be war.  I have seen so many.  The first big one I threw myself into was the American Civil War, but it certainly didn't stop there.  If "wars and rumors of wars" are a sign of the end, then it seems like the end has been coming for quite some time, which makes me think even more than before that it just might never fully arrive.  Some wars, I was proud to serve.  World War II, against something evil and vicious.  The very worst of humanity defeated by the very best.  It gave me hope, just long enough before we were plunged into a stupid background battle for power and dominion against one of the countries that had fought alongside us in the past.

I think lots of it comes down to not realizing how similar we all are.  We're all a little selfish, and yet we want others to feel like we aren't.  We want to do good in the world, we want to do what's right, we just disagree about what that is.  Sure, there are truly evil and vicious people who exist, but that just draws into focus how very similar the rest of us are when we are able to recognize that evil and fight against it.

That's the big, the grand.  We're all also alike in the wars that wage within our souls, those wars I try to help with in small ways, like becoming someone's friend even though I know they're going to die an eternity before I do.  I suppose its good that such battles must ultimately be decided by the one who is fighting, and not by outside influences.  Otherwise I might risk getting too close again, and my own internal struggles tell me that is something I cannot do.

War will always be there, but wars will always be ending, too.  Peace, tenuous though it is, is forever, too.  In small moments, in the breaks between the battles, peace can be found.  Even for someone like me, there can be moments of peace, moments of thinking things aren't so bad, moments of seeing the beauty in things.  A sunrise, a bird singing, the wind blowing gently through the autumn leaves, a light dusting of snow, children laughing.  There are these moments where war seems to cease, even if it really hasn't, and peace can be found.  Those are the moments where I start to think that "it won't always be like this" isn't a lie after all.  It may be like this again, cycle after cycle of fighting and war and death, but there will be these moments in between, too.  As certain as the fact that I will be alive tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the tomorrow after that, there will always be times of war and there will always be moments of peace.  Those moments of peace are what we should all try to cling to.