Premonitions, Part 1

"Sarah?"

It was so dark, so difficult to see.  Where were we, an airport runway?  A few steps forward, stepping into what seemed to be a streetlight on the widest road I have ever seen.

"You have to move on, John.  You have to..."

With a gasp I sat bolt upright in bed.  With a shiver I ran my fingers through my hair.  I felt a stirring next to me and my boyfriend rolled over and muttered, still half asleep, "What's wrong, sweetie."

"Nothing," I lied, fighting to keep my voice from trembling.  "Go back to sleep."  I didn't have to worry about hiding anything.  He was too tired to notice and all too happy to oblige.

I ran my fingers through my hair some more, scratching my scalp as a few long strands escaped onto the covers.  Sarah, plain and tall with the long brown hair.  That was me, alright.  It's so strange to see yourself from a third-person view like that.  It's not even comparable to looking in a mirror.  And in a dream, though I suppose it's the place it makes the most sense for it to happen apart from a home move, still it's so strange since I usually dream in the first person if I dream at all.

But at least that was definitely me.  The other person... John?  Was that what I had called him?  I glanced over at the man who had resumed snoring next to me.  Peter.  Not John.  Not a John anywhere in his name or anywhere in his family as far as I knew.  No past boyfriends named John either, so certainly not any Johns that would be clinging to me.  I knew Johns, but most of them were too old and not even remotely interested in me anyway.  The more I kept thinking about Johns the more I started to feel like a hooker or something.  It made me feel dirty, and I blushed in the darkness.  It's a name, just a name.  It doesn't mean anything, and it certainly doesn't mean that.  I didn't see him in the dream, but I saw myself, and I wasn't dressed up in anything special.  A skirt and heels, but the same kind of skirt and heels I wear to the office.  Nothing dirty.  So why did I feel so... wrong?

I decided not to let it bother me and to go back to sleep.  It was just a dream.  It didn't mean anything.  There was no John in my life.  Peter was all I needed.  Peter.  He was enough for me.  And even if he wasn't, he was likely to be all I was ever going to get.