I knew he loved me; deep in my heart I just knew it. He was always kind and affectionate and thought of me above himself. That's why it hurt so bad when he did what he did.
I never even saw it coming, but in retrospect, I should have. Leading up to it, he had seemed a little less happy and a little more distant than usual. But considering how happy and open he usually is, it just seemed a little more, well, frankly, a little more normal. I don't want to sound mean-spirited, but sometimes he was just a little too much for me. I was almost glad he had backed off a little, until I discovered the real reason for it.
I hated her from the moment I saw her. Even apart from the fact that I first saw her in his arms, I could tell she was a vial creature. At first, I was sure that she had tricked him somehow. There is no way he would knowingly do what I saw them doing. But after a few minutes I knew there could be no doubt. He immediately let go of her, pushed her aside even, once he realized I was there watching, but it was too late, the damage was done.
I suppose in some sense, I never truly loved him, but he was so good to me. How could I let that go? If he hadn't betrayed me like he did, we would have been together forever.
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I loved her so much, some days so badly it physically hurt, but what hurt most of all was knowing that she would never love me. She tried, put on a good show, but every time she tried to say the words I could tell they were forced and awkward. The problem was, I was good to her, probably the best man she'd ever been with, and she couldn't bring herself to let that go over a silly little thing like not actually loving me.
The problem really was, she was too good herself. Even if she had realized there were plenty of other good men out there, she had committed to being with me, and would never betray that unless something terrible happened. And so, something terrible had to happen.
Natalie was a coworker. She was single, decently smart, and attractive enough to make it believable. At first, she wanted nothing to do with it, said I should just talk to the woman I loved, make her understand my feelings and what I knew of hers, or just give her more time for the love to bloom, but I knew these things would never work. Somehow, I just knew. Eventually, I convinced Natalie to go along with my plan.
When she saw us, she was more hurt than she had probably ever been in her life, but I knew it was for her own good. I saw men all around me every day that I knew she would love more than me. Heck, I had even introduced her to a few of them myself, but I knew she was too good to leave me for someone I had caused her to meet, until now at least. Now the whole world was open to her. I loved her so much, and I had wished with all my heart for such a long time that she would love me, but since she can't, I want her to find someone she can love.
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When I saw the tears in her eyes, I knew she really loved him, even if he didn't think she did, even if she didn't know it herself. No one can cry like that and not feel something for the person they're crying over. If she really didn't love him, part of her would be relieved at this gracious out, but maybe she really doesn't get it.
Our show was so obvious I was almost surprised she even fell for it. I've been held by men who cared for me and held by men who don't, but James not only wasn't attracted to me, it was so obvious he was attracted to someone else, someone he knew was watching. He kept glancing at her, but she didn't even notice. He had such a hard time kissing me, I wasn't even sure he could go through with it.
Even though they love each other and should be together, they'll get over it, they'll both find someone else. But why should they? The problem they have is that they don't feel love the same way. They both love each other, but one is a uproar of passion and one is a gentle whisper. Their problem is that the shout was drowning out the whisper to point where the whisper itself didn't even know it was there.
I want to say something, now that I've seen, now that I really understand, but I promised I wouldn't. Even as I look at James, I know he'd hate me if I did, and he still wouldn't realize just how much she loves him, because she doesn't even realize it herself. Maybe in time they'll come to really understand like only an outsider can. Maybe not.
I've played my part in this vial deed, and vial it has been. I never should have stepped onto this stage, but what's done is done. Maybe one day they'll understand what love really is, but for now, all I can hope for is that they'll be happier than they were before.
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