Nanowrimo - Overflow

I probably could wrap up my story right here.  It's a nice enough place for it to end.  But if you look back to the beginning, you know this isn't really the end.  It shouldn't be surprising that there are tears still to come.

But first, more joy before we get to the sadness.  Even the joy has some sadness mixed in, but if you focus on the joy, the sadness isn't so bad.

I loved my job.  I got to interact with animals every day.  I got to be the first person those cute kittens and darling dogs saw.  It was with a sad heart that I poked and prodded them, but I was glad when I could make it less painful or when the animal didn't even notice much of what I was doing.  I offered treats to the pets that were well enough to have them and smiled as I spoke to the pet owners about my own adorable Daisy.  I always had her picture on me to show those who seemed interested.  This probably isn't a good thing, but I think I talked more about Daisy at work than I did about Hannah.  In my defense, it makes sense to talk about your animals when you work at a vet's office.  I think that's why I usually liked it so much.

The part I didn't like, the part none of us liked, was when an animal came in who was just so sick there wasn't much we could do.  When they were sick but we could make them well, it was a little sad but overwhelmingly happy when the pet got better.  It was those rare occasions when we couldn't make a pet well that really hurt my heart.  The one that struck me the most was nearly a year in.

It was weeks before Hannah was going to complete her undergraduate work and a lady came in looking very sad with a cat that looked almost exactly like Daisy.  The cat was just a few months older than Daisy, too.  This cat had been getting weaker and weaker over the past several months and the lady had been in to the office before.  At first it hadn't seemed so bad and the vet had kept a cheery disposition and dispensed encouragement and medicine.  But now, it was clear this cat was ready to go.  It was perhaps the third time I had seen a pet that needed to be put down.  You would think the first would have been the hardest, but this one struck me even more because of just how much the cat looked like Daisy.

When I got home that evening, it was all I could do to keep from crying when I told Hannah about it.  "I wish we could have saved him," I said of the cat, whose name was Tigger.

Hannah rubbed my back and said, "It sounds like you did all you could."

I sighed and put my head in my hands.  "You probably could have saved him," I countered.

"It's sweet that you have such faith in me," Hannah replied, "but I can't save any animals yet."

This was when Daisy decided to walk over and announce her presence.  She clearly wanted to jump up into my lap and cuddle.  I was so upset I almost didn't let her, but I realized Daisy was exactly what I needed at that moment, and I leaned back and let her come up.  After all, Tigger may have been gone, but Daisy, my Daisy, the cat I personally knew and cherished was here with me and she was doing just fine.


That whole first year of my job, while I was learning the ins and outs of being a veterinary technician, Hannah was not only studying hard to ace all of her senior year classes, but also fighting for a spot in a veterinary school.  Her number one choice was actually out on the east coast, but her backup plan was local, and was in fact the school her father had attended many years ago.  I couldn't help but hope, secretly, that she didn't get in to her first choice option, though I knew I would have to comfort and console her if she didn't.  I just didn't want to move out to the East coast with her and I also didn't want to stay here and have her be multiple hundreds of miles away.  It was a losing situation for me, but still I supported her and told her that though it would be difficult for me, I would love for her to get into her first choice school.

When she got her answers back and found out she had not been accepted into her first choice, I was more upset than I had expected to be.  I even felt a little outraged.  I had been so worried about her being accepted because I had been sure she would be.  Hannah was an amazing student and did great work with animals, but apparently the problem was that she hadn't done enough work with them in a professional setting.  Her top choice school wanted her to spend a year basically doing my job and then apply again.  Her second choice school, with her father and other local vets to vouch for her, accepted her right away.

I had thought that would be that and Hannah would go to her second choice, nearby, but as the acceptance deadline was drawing near, she walked into the living room where I was sitting with Daisy on my lap and, looking like she had been crying, said, "I don't know what to do."

"About vet school?" I asked looking up.

She nodded as she plopped down on the couch.  "I really had my heart set on this school," she held out the rejection letter, "but this school", she held out the acceptance packet, "will take me right now."

"Well, why are you so resistant to go to your second choice?" I asked.

She flashed me a brief look of anger, but then she softened.  "We've talked about this before," she said, truthfully, "but I just really had my heart set on this other school."  She sighed and looked up at the ceiling and then said something she hadn't said before, "I guess I really just didn't want to take advantage of my father's connections.  I wanted to get in on my own."

I nearly chuckled because I knew what she had just said was ridiculous since she was amazingly talented and had gotten in on her own (an assertion confirmed by the fact that she had applied to two other schools and also gotten in at them), but I didn't chuckle because I knew this really was difficult for her.  So instead, I reached out, gave her shoulder a squeeze and said softly, "You did get in on your own, Hannah.  You earned it.  You worked hard.  This isn't nepotism.  You got accepted at this school because you're awesome.  You got declined from the other school because they're looking for slightly different things, but you're clearly still awesome or else they wouldn't encourage you to apply again next year."

She looked up at me with watery eyes and asked, "Do you really believe that?"

I nodded confidently.  "Yes I do."  And as if to confirm it all, Daisy chose that moment to stand up from my lap and walk over to Hannah's were she curled up and resumed purring away.

Hannah made a little sobbing choking sound as she petted our cat, as I now viewed Daisy, and said, "Thanks, David.  I still don't know if I'm going to accept the one now or get the year of experience first, but I feel better about the idea of going to school now."

I smiled and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.  "I'm glad," I said.  "If you want to talk again, we can, but ultimately you should do whatever you want."

As I got up to go to the kitchen and get a snack as Daisy purred away on Hannah's lap, I continued to hope that Hannah would stay local while still being upset that her first choice school had put her through this.  I was glad this was Hannah's choice, though, and I was doing my best not to influence her towards my preference.  I hope still that I didn't unknowingly influence her, but I was thrilled when, a couple days later, she decided to go to the local school, creating a situation in which I could keep my job and still see her every day.


Life is funny sometimes.  I had wanted so badly for Hannah to stay at home so I could spend time with her, but once her first year of vet school started, I barely saw her at all.  She made new friends, some of whom had waited for two years before they got into this school.  Hannah would tell you that didn't matter, but even Hannah wasn't perfect and I think it made her feel a little smarter to hang out with girls who had had to wait for what she had been given.  Of course, I couldn't say for sure how Hannah felt since I barely saw her to talk with her about it.

It wasn't just the course work and new friendships that kept us more apart.  Hannah also got a paid internship to help cover the costs of her ongoing education that scholarships could not.  As for me, I started working an evening job so that I could pay off those student loans.  I wanted to be sure I was debt free before I asked Hannah to marry me.  I had originally planned to pop the question after she graduated with an official veterinary degree, but four years felt so long to wait and I was thinking of doing it sooner, as long as I could get rid of those loans.  I just didn't want to put too much pressure on Hannah.

Whatever pressure Hannah put on herself seemed like the right amount, because when I did chance to see her awake, she was happy, and she still managed to get straight As, which was quite a feat.  In fact, getting As seemed easier for her than being at home and awake at the same time I was.  There were many nights when I would get home late from my second job and collapse into bed as Daisy purred me to sleep while Hannah was still studying with her new friends at the library.

I wasn't angry.  Not really.  I was a little frustrated that I had wanted her to be close and now it just felt like torture seeing her so infrequently.  Maybe it would have been better if she did go away entirely, I thought.  But I knew that even the brief exchanges we had were better than nothing.  And besides, we had known this would happen.  We were prepared for it.  The one I really felt sorry for was poor, neglected Daisy, who had had no choice in the matter.

I even remember around my birthday, I had called up my mom, or maybe she had called me, and I had raised the question of her taking Daisy back.  She was shocked and in answer to her question of why, I told her that I felt bad about not spending more time with my beloved pet.  "But Daisy loves you," my mom assured me.  "I'm sure she'd rather spend a few hours with you than the whole day with me."  My mom doesn't really know that much about animals, but it did seem like Daisy continued to love me.  She always expressed joy when I was home, and came trotted up to me as fast as her old bones would take her.  She never seemed angry or dejected.  Those were just emotions I feared she was secretly feeling, though now I tell myself that Daisy wasn't capable of such things.

Even though I tried to feel okay about leaving Daisy alone so much, I was relieved when summer came and I got to spend about 10 times as much time with both Hannah and Daisy.  Hannah had considered taking some summer classes to try to graduate a year early, but thankfully she decided not to.  Even though my mom would insist Daisy loved me the most, it seemed like Hannah was a close second and having her at home several of the days and nearly all of the evenings (she was still interning 3 days a week) made me feel better.  I also got a raise at the vet's office at which I worked and so I was able to cut my evening hours and spend more time at home as well.  It was a great, laid-back summer with my girls, but I couldn't help but notice that at 17 years old, Daisy was really starting to show her age.

She still had no major health problems and seemed to be about as healthy as a cat her age would be expected to be, but she was slowing down to the point where some days she seemed like a rather different cat, but I still loved her and as near as I could tell, she still loved me with all of her little kitty heart.


That entire summer was wonderful.  We considered going on a vacation to somewhere far away, but I didn't want to leave Daisy, so instead we went home to visit my mom and took Daisy with us.  I asked about Chelsea, with whom I hadn't spoken almost the entire year.  I learned from my mom that Chell was working as a waitress at my mom's restaurant!  This was in addition to working at a dog and cat boarding house and spa in town and volunteering at the animal shelter, where she worked with Steve quite a bit.  I felt a little ashamed that my mother and my stepfather were keeping better in contact with my childhood friend than I was, but this seemed to be always how it was with me and Chelsea:  cycles of closeness and distance.

As strange as it felt for me to be back home again for an extended period of time, Daisy seemed to fit right in.  My mom and Steve had a couple cats of their own, but Daisy didn't mind just as long as she got to sleep with me and Hannah every night.  She had been getting older and had a hard time jumping up on the bed in our apartment, but my mom had an air mattress on the floor for us to sleep on so that made things a lot easier for Daisy.

About half way through our stay, I had dinner with Hannah at my mom's restaurant.  I hadn't told Chelsea we were coming, or even that we were in town, but I made sure to go on a night she was working and specifically request her as our waitress.  She seemed really surprised to see me and I sensed that she wanted to give me a hug but knew it wouldn't be proper to do so.  I didn't care if it was proper, so I stood up and hugged her before she could stop me.  Hannah followed suit as well.  Chelsea said she'd love to talk, but it would have to wait until she got off at 9.  So we let our 7pm reservation drag on a bit (there were plenty of empty tables that night or else I would have opened up the room), left a very generous tip, and then went with Chelsea to a nearby ice cream place for dessert.  We talked about how things were going and life in general and then Chelsea, not shying away from a potentially awkward situation, asked with a smile, "So when are you two getting married?"

Hannah blushed, and I probably did a little, too, as I said, "I don't know, probably some day."

Chelsea gave me a knowing look followed by a shrug and changed the subject.  I was just glad that she didn't push it further.

We hung out with Chelsea a couple more times before we went.  I made sure to invite Chelsea over to see how Daisy was doing.  I think Chelsea was a little sad to see how much weaker Daisy had gotten, but she knew what it was like when both pets and people grow older, so she handled it well.  I think it's just weird to not see an animal, or a person for that matter, for very long and then realize how old they'd gotten.  Daisy was getting old and Chelsea was all grown up.  I suppose I was, too.  Those days of her childish crush on me seemed long gone.  Though Chelsea was still a good friend, Daisy and Hannah were the most important girls in my daily life.

After celebrating July 4 (which Daisy had never minded much and still didn't), we said good-bye to my mom and Steve and headed home.  We stopped by Hannah's parents' place one last time (we had spent quite a bit of time with them as well) and then we were back to our apartment in what seemed like no time.  It was strange that we had described this trip as "going home", but now that we got back to our apartment, I really felt like that was our real home.  I had Hannah and Daisy and I couldn't ask for anything more.


After that vacation, it was right back to our jobs, though without Hannah's class schedule we still got to spend a lot of time together.  Things were great all through that summer and then as the school year started up again for Hannah, I noticed Daisy seeming even more lethargic than she had been.  Hannah and I examined her as best as we could and then took her to the vet's office where I worked.  They said that she seemed to have arthritis and her risk of heart disease seemed to be increasing, which was a little odd since cats are more often struck by kidney failure than heart failure, but since I knew this I had been giving Daisy special kidney health food for quite some time.  At any rate, she got some medicines that I could mix with wet cat food once a day and was sent on her way with an otherwise clean bill of health.

After a week or two on the medicines, she seemed a little better, but she still clearly had stiff joints and couldn't run around like she used to.  It was sad, but she still seemed relatively happy.  Though she couldn't jump up on my lap anymore when I sat on the couch watching TV, I would pick her up and she would purr away.

We'd had steps up to the bed for her for sometime, but some nights she preferred to just sleep on the floor.  I got a cat pillow for her so she'd be more comfortable down there, but it made me a little sad that the cat who had always insisted on sleeping in bed with me only did so three or four times a week now.  The one nice thing was that Hannah could cuddle with me more easily now, but I still missed Daisy.

This went on through early December, and then one night, I woke up around midnight to hear a faint meowing coming from the side of the bed.  I turned on the bedside light and looked down to see Daisy looking up at me, seeming weak and tired, but looking up at me with pleading eyes.  She put a paw on the stairs, but didn't move up, so I picked her up and placed her on the bed beside me.  She immediately started purring, and climbed on my chest and curled up just like she had done every night when she was young.  She seemed so happy and I wondered if this was a turning point when she would start sleeping with me every night away.  I stroked her gently for about half an hour and then we both drifted off to sleep.  I woke up the next morning.  Daisy didn't.

I cried a lot that next morning when I realized she was gone, quite possibly more than I had ever cried before.  I probably should have cried at least this much when I learned my dad was dead, but I had hardly known him.  Daisy I had known and loved for nearly 18 years, and now she was gone.  She was gone and she would never be back.  I took a sick day off of work and Hannah took a vacation day, too, to stay home with me.  I hadn't wanted to think about Daisy dying, but I had known in the back of my head I wanted to do something to honor her when she went, so several weeks ago I had looked up pet cemetaries in the area, and now it was time.

They don't have a big funeral for pets, though I suppose someone would if you wanted them, too.  We buried her that same day, just me and Hannah.  They put a marker where she was and I ordered a small headstone to be installed later.  I got a card with her paw print and a small memorial stone for our home as well.  I was glad Hannah was there because I cried a lot.  She barely cried at all.  With her dad being a vet, having pets with shorter lifespans at her house as a child, and with her parents living on a farm with lots of animals, she'd had more personal experience with deaths of beloved animals than I had.  I just thought of the people at my clinic whose pets had been put to sleep over the past two years and realized that I really, truly felt their pain during that day.  The next day was pretty bad too and the day after, but eventually I stopped coming home expecting to see Daisy and stopped seeing her in every cat I saw.  Eventually, I was able to cherish her memory as something happy instead of hating her lose as something sad.  And when that happened, when I was able to realize that even though I had lost Daisy I could still love her, that was when I finally felt ready to ask Hannah to marry me.

Yes, I know I had planned to wait until Hannah graduated, but as her second year of vet school wrapped up, her graduation was still two years away, and so that summer was when I popped the question.  Much to my delight, she immediately said yes.