Terrible Person

"What makes you a terrible person?" Ashley wondered as she looked out the window at the shiny red car pulling out of the driveway for the last time.
For the last eighteen years, she had simply tolerated him, and now that she had as good as told him so, and had to watch in agony as he left her, she wondered if maybe she had come to love him after all.
"I never wanted to be a part of his life to begin with," she though, "it just happened... because it had to. He needed me so much more than I ever needed him."
Ashley sighed and turned away. He was gone now, likely never to return, no matter what she might say to him to try to make him come back. Did she even want him to come back? All these years, she had been just waiting, longing to be free, and now she was. This was what she wanted, to be alone. But then why did it hurt more now than it ever had when he was around?
They had come such a long way in eighteen years. At the beginning he had just been a frustration. She had never been able to understand what he was trying to tell her and instead tried to focus on how cute he was, something she never found endearing to begin with. By the end, they could actually have intelligent conversations, and it was almost as if he really did have something to offer her. But then she went and ruined it all by kicking him out. Well, not kicking him out exactly, but by telling him that she was ready to see him go, to move on to another stage of her life.
It was the worst thing she could have ever said, even if it was the truth. She really was a terrible person. How could you tell someone you had devoted eighteen years of your life to at least pretending to love that you were ready to see them go? Only the lowest of the low would say such a thing.
She allowed another tear to slide down her face as she collapsed onto the couch and stared at the flat screen TV he had bought her for her birthday earlier this year. She had wondered at the time if the gift was underhanded, indicating that she cared more about watching the TV than she did about spending time with him, but it didn't take long for her to decide that wasn't the case. As frustrating as he could be, there wasn't a cruel bone in his body. Quite surprising considering she seemed to be made of nothing but cruelty, but maybe things just happen that way sometimes, fate puts together a cruel person and a kind person so the cruel could learn from the kind.
But what had she learned from him? Absolutely nothing. All these years, he had loved her unconditionally, and what had she done? Tolerated him. She had made time for him, sure. Any relationship requires that you spend at least some time with the other person in it. But really, she had put minimal effort into the whole thing. It was no wonder he had seemed as anxious to go as she had thought she was to see him leave.
He had always loved her, but for the past few years, it hadn't been the same as before. He had started to grow distant, spending late nights out with his friends, forcing her to wait up wondering if he was going to get drunk and force her to bail him out of jail. But she always ended up giving up on the worrying. He was a good man. He would never do something crazy and inappropriate. He was faithful to his ideals, whatever they were and wherever he had gotten them.
She let out a sigh and closed her eyes as she remembered the first time they had come face to face. She was worn out, exhausted, and she had to admit, he had been beautiful. At first, she had no regrets, but that soon changed after she was reminded that he was a total pain, needing constant attention and reassurances of her affection. "Why hadn't I just given him up when she had the chance?" she often wondered late at night when he would scream at her for no apparent reason. But yet, occasionally, there were times, like right now, when she almost thought she loved him...
Her reminiscing was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. She gasped as she opened her eyes. For once, she didn't mind the silence was being broken. The truth washed over her as she realized that she hoped with all her being that it would be him standing at the door.
She jumped up, ran to the window, and when she saw his car returned to the driveway a smile washed over her face. She didn't take the time to comprehend that love really was the thing filling her with joy. She rushed to the door and threw it open.
There he was, standing there with his long legs, broad shoulders, and perfect brown eyes. He opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. "I... I..." he stuttered.
She let the tears flow freely now. There was no point in hiding it any longer. She had been denying it to herself for eighteen years, but it was useless now. She loved him. She knew it, and she wanted him to know it. "I'm so sorry, baby," she blurted out. "I love you, I really do. I take it all back. Come here, just give me a hug."
He seemed to hesitate at first, but then he allowed himself a tiny smile and a lonely tear trickled down his face. He let himself be swept up into her open arms. "I love you, too, Mom," he whispered, just loud enough that she could hear him.
And so Ashley held her son, forgetting everything else, even trying to forget what a terrible person she had been, letting the realization that the last eighteen years had truly been wonderful and not a waste sweep over her.